from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
