Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
