Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
