so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
