Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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