I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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