There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
