I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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