Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
