do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
