I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
