So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
