do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
