it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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