When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
