Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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