yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
