I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
