her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
