I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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