i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
