Just cropdusted the office
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
