Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
