I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
