he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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