I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
