you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
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the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
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I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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