No awkward lesbian experiences without me
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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