Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
