dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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