she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
