...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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