but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
