Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
