My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
