Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
