i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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