but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
