Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
