Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
