Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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