No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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