where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
