hotel room ftw
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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