I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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