: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
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I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
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And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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