just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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