Can i not drive my cunt home
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
