took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
