My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
