it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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