honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
