I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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