You really coming over, don't trick.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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