So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
