her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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