i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
