The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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