feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
