ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
