It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
