I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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