What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
