I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
