He felt like a one man threesome
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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