so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack