somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
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I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
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I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review