I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
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the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
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He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.