so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY