Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
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So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me