Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future