dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
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Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
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I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She needs sedatives and a leash
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.