Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.